


The right medicine

by TheIceQueen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Awesome Rowena MacLeod, Bathing/Washing, Boys Kissing, Caretaker Dean Winchester, Caretaker Sam Winchester, Caretaking, Caring Rowena MacLeod, Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Castiel Needs a Hug (Supernatural), Confused Castiel (Supernatural), Cuddling & Snuggling, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Dubious Consent, Embarrassment, Enemas, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Exhaustion, Explicit Sexual Content, Fear, Fever, Fingerfucking, Forced Orgasm, Forehead Kisses, Gentle Kissing, Hand Jobs, Holding Hands, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Ice, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Magic, Medical, Medical Examination, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Procedures, Medicine, Needles, Nervousness, Pain, Poison, Poisoning, Potions, Protective Dean Winchester, Scared Castiel (Supernatural), Second-Hand Embarrassment, Sick Castiel (Supernatural), Sick Character, Sickfic, Sleep Deprivation, Spells & Enchantments, Stomach Ache, Talking, Uncomfortable Dean Winchester, Uncomfortable Sam Winchester, Witch Curses, Witchcraft, Witches, Worried Dean Winchester, Worried Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-01-24 10:56:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21337099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIceQueen/pseuds/TheIceQueen
Summary: Cas is human and he's sick. But Sam and Dean isn't so sure that the sickness is natural.This was supposed to be a short fill of a prompt from ReinaQueenofDemons, but there was so much potential for hurt/comfort that it ended up being longer.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 50
Kudos: 119





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m not fucking him, half unconscious, while my brother holds him down!”

“It’s not like it’s your first time and you know he would agree to it if he was more alert.”

“Well, he’s not! He’s in pain and freaking out!”

* * *

_Seven hours earlier._

Dean rolled the Impala into the bunker’s garage and turned off the engine with a deep sigh. They had been on the road for almost a full day, but both Sam and Cas had agreed when Dean wanted to drive directly home after the hunt.

The last hours had been spent in silence. Sam had been sleeping in the passenger’s seat and Cas was still curled up against the door in the back. Dean had stopped asking him if he was alright when he’d finally told him that he thought he’d gotten a cold. Cas had been human for almost a year and luckily he’d only been sick once. Last fall he got the flu and he was miserable. It seemed as it hit him harder, since he had never been sick before in his very long life. Dean had understood Cas’s silence, he’d both been confused and scared, not that he told anyone that. Dean just hoped it wasn’t going to be as bad as the first time.

“We’re here.” Dean pushed Sam’s shoulder and he stirred to life. Before he jumped out of the car, hoping to hit the showers first, he looked over his shoulder and saw Cas nod and open the door.

Dean opened the trunk and pulled out the two duffels and opened the armory to pick the things that needed cleaning and make sure they still had enough bullets in stock.

“Dean!”

The surprise, maybe shock, in Sam’s voice had Dean leave the trunk open.

“What?”

Sam didn’t have time to answer before Dean was at their side of the car and saw Sam holding Cas’s shoulder; steadying him as he moved the other foot out of the car too. Dean practically pushed Sam aside, as he dropped to his knees in front of Cas to get a look at his face. He was in pain. His breathing was too fast and he was slightly shaking.

“Cas…?” Dean cupped his cheek and felt his stomach drop and adrenaline shoot through his entire body. “You’re burning up!”

“I’m okay.” Cas’s voice was lower than usual, lower than Dean could remember it ever being.

He grabbed the door and shifted position to get himself out of the car, his teeth grinded as he hissed in pain. Dean pushed him back and stood up. “Stop! Okay? Let us help you.”

“No need Dean.” Cas looked up and clearly forced the smile he sent Dean. “It’s just a stomach bug or something. I can manage.”

Dean couldn’t help but noticing that Cas hadn’t moved his one arm from around his stomach. It could be it, but Cas hadn’t had a stomach bug before so he wouldn’t know how it felt. But no matter what it was, the most pressing matter was to get that fever down.

“I’m sure you can, Angel. But it’s easier if we help you.”

Dean nodded at Sam and they each took an arm and hauled Cas to his feet. Cas cried out in pain as he was uncurled from around his stomach and Dean and Sam had to each wrap an arm around his back not to let him plummet to the floor.

“Okay, okay.” Dean put his head under Cas’s arm. “Let’s get you to the infirmary.”

“No…” Cas forcefully whispered the words out between pants for air. “I… I just… sleep.”

They were already walking, Cas mostly hanging between them. “Oh no, Babe. We need to make sure you’re alright. We’ll sleep after.”

* * *

Sam was gathering everything they needed and a few more things, Dean had yelled at him, that they might not need. Meanwhile, Dean was struggling to get Cas undressed down to his boxers. Cas was clutching his stomach and wasn’t able to stand on his own and Dean wondered all the way through if he should just cut the clothes of him, it would be easier on both of them, but Cas seemed adamant that he could at least do this. As soon as they were done and he could lie on the bed, he curled up on his side holding his stomach with one arm, tugging the other hand under his pillow, grabbing it tight.

Dean brushed a strand of damp hair from Cas’s forehead and combed his fingers through his messy hair. Cas hummed and looked up at Dean.

“Dean, I’m…” He hissed and curled a bit more up on himself.

“Sam?!” Dean looked for Sam in the other end of the big room. “You almost there?”

“One sec…”

Dean hunched down in front of Cas and rubbed his shoulder. “I know, you say you’re fine. I do that too, every time, remember?” He waited for Cas to look him in the eyes. “I’ll let you in on a secret. 90 percent of the time I say that, I’m not where near okay.”

Sam put a tray down on the small table next to the bed and brought a plastic tub with water to a table on the other side too.

“Let us check you out, okay?” Dean waited for an answer and as soon as Cas sent him a tired smile, he stood up and nodded at Sam who handed him the thermometer.

“Here, hold this under your tongue. Sam will check your blood pressure, I don’t remember; have you tried that before?”

Cas closed his mouth around the thermometer and nodded. Dean sighed with little relief that he didn’t have to explain everything. Sam stood behind Cas and with Dean’s help he got Cas’s arm moved enough from his stomach that he could work.

“Breathe, Cas.” Dean rubbed his shoulder as Cas tensed up.

Dean wasn’t sure if it was from the cuff tightening or if it was his stomach that was worse again. Cas nodded but didn’t pull in air. As soon at the cuff loosened and he again could wrap his arm around his middle, he heaved in a big gulp of air and Dean did the same. He took the thermometer and looked at Sam before checking it a second time.

“What?” Sam had clearly noticed Dean’s hesitation.

“105.7…”

Sam looked at Cas, clutching his stomach, shaking and sweating, but alert and seemingly clear. “How the hell is he even awake and talking?”

Dean jumped up and looked over what Sam had placed on the table. “I don’t know, but let’s keep him that way.” He found the small vail he was looking for and unwrapped a needle for a syringe.

“Dean…?” Cas looked confused up at him and then at the needle.

This, Dean was sure, Cas hadn’t done before. There was no need for that when he had the flu. Dean didn’t stop working as he talked to him but he slowed his words to make it seem like it all happened in a slower pace.

“Your fever is too high; we need to knock it down, faster than pills can do it. We’ll set up an IV with fluids…” Dean nodded at Sam to get the things ready. “…it will make you feel better. We’ll use that for any other drugs too, but this one has to be now.”

Dean did his best to ignore Cas’s confused and slightly startled look as he pulled the thin blanket from his thigh.

“Dean… wait.”

“Sorry, Cas. I can’t.” His cold hand on the hot feverish skin had Cas jump a little. Dean rubbed the area with an alcohol swab and looked at Cas’s face, making sure he was with him.

“Relax, Babe.”

Dean pushed the needle in controlled and fast. Cas jumped and tensed. “Shh. I know. Try to relax through this.” Castiel nodded and Dean pushed in the drug, studying Cas’s body carefully, pausing every time he tensed up the slightest and starting up again as soon as he relaxed.

“There…” Dean pulled out the needle and rubbed Cas’s thigh as he covered him with the blanket. He dropped the needle in the trash under the table and leaned in to kiss Cas’s temple, but stopped mid motion. Cas’s face was turning a grayish pale and he was breathing heavier.

“Angel?” Dean hunched down in front of him, ignoring that Sam was standing next to him ready with the next needle. He brushed a hand through Cas’s hair. “You nauseous?”

Cas looked at him; clearly not sure what to answer. “Cas. Remember when we shared that bottle of vodka between the three of us a few months back?”

The color on Cas’s face seemed to disappear completely, and Dean second-guessed his choice of bringing that day up. “You were wrapped up on the couch the day after. Do you feel like that?”

“Yeah… a little.”

Dean nodded to himself and looked up at his brother, who was already on his way back to the bed with a bucket he’d gotten. “Cas. You tell me if you think you’ll get worse than that and end up like Sam did.”

“Seriously?” Sam handed Dean the bucket and rolled the table passed Dean and next to Cas’s legs so he could reach the stuff he needed to set the IV.

“Cas?” Dean didn’t take his eyes off Cas’s and he kept his hand deeply buried in his hair. “Tell me if you need to throw up, alright?”

Can nodded and swallowed. “I would appreciate not having to do that…” He controlled an exhale carefully and pulled his knees a bit closer to his stomach. “…it didn’t seem pleasant.”

Dean chuckled and leaned in to kiss Cas’s forehead. “No, it isn’t. We’ll see if we can help it.” He rubbed Cas’s shoulder and moved his hand down to take Cas’s wrist, but he wasn’t moving his arm out for them to take.

“Cas, Angel. You need to let Sam set up the IV.” He rubbed Cas’s forearm firmly. “You can use your arm as you like after.”

“I…” Cas looked up at Sam and shook his head before he focused on Dean again. “I don’t like it.”

“Sometimes we don’t get a choice. It will help with the nausea too.” Dean tried for Cas’s hand again, but he retracted more into himself and shook his head.

“Cas?” Sam leaned in a bit and Cas looked hesitant up at him. “Cas, is it the needles that makes you nauseous?”

With a deep swallow Cas nodded and looked away. Dean shared a short gaze with Sam, before he let go of Cas’s arm and cupped his face with both hands. “It’s alright Angel. You’ve never done this before. As soon as Sam is done, you’ll see it’s not a problem.”

“I don’t think so.” Cas almost whispered, clearly embarrassed.

“Hey.” Dean took Cas’s hand from under the pillow hand held it firmly in both of his. “You need to let Sam do this, okay? Just hold on to me and think about how much better it will be when we can get some painkillers into you.”

After a brief moment for Cas to think, his hand tightened around Dean’s fingers and his other arm stirred a little. Sam took it as an invitation to take the shaking hand and Dean felt Cas’s eyes boring into him. Dean saw the fight clearly. The desperate fight to stay in control and not pull his hand from Sam, while still struggling with the nausea and the stomach pain.

“Don’t hold your breath.” Dean sat on the edge of the mattress making sure he could see him at all times and shielding him from seeing Sam and the needle. “It’s easier to not throw up if you breathe.”

Cas nodded and took a deep breath, and let the air out slowly, actually able to make a small smile.

“Here we go, Cas. Just hold still.”

The short fast inhale Cas took, was the first indication that something had happened. Cas shaking and squeezing Dean’s hand was the next. Dean smiled and kissed his forehead lightly and slow, before he whispered. “Doing great.”

Dean heard Sam step away, but Cas didn’t move. He looked at Cas’s hand, lying on his thigh as still as Cas could keep it while still shaking slightly.

Dean took the hand carefully and heard Cas gasp. “Cas it’s not a needle in there. It’s just a very small rubber tube and Sam has secured it so you can move.”

The tube leading to the cannula was taped to Cas’s wrist and his whole hand and wrist was covered in a tight net, holding it all in place. Only the small second port stuck out. Dean didn’t wait for Sam to finish hanging the fluids. “Sam. Morphine.”

The sound of the relieved sigh from Cas, had Dean turn and look at him again. He was tired. More than before. Maybe the drug to reduce the fever and had him worn out on top of the pain and of course the fever.

“Maybe we should wait till we figure out what is going on with his stomach.” Sam spoke clear but hesitant. “I mean, it could be difficult to figure out if he can’t tell where it hurts.”

Slowly, Cas closed his eyes and sighed, but Dean quickly squeezed his hands and kissed his forehead. When Cas opened his eyes he sent the weary man a small smile before looking at Sam. “You have to examine him on his side then. He can’t move while he’s in this much pain. And Sam…” He let go of Cas’s wrapped up hand and brushed his hand through his hair. “…get on with it so he can get that painkiller.”

Dean moved a little so Sam could get to Cas’s stomach, but he stayed on the bed, holding Cas’s hand and cheek. Cas closed his eyes again as Sam put his hand on his stomach. He controlled his breathing carefully, but only a second later he heaved in air as his whole body tensed to the point where Dean felt his head shake slightly too.

“Sam!” Dean turned but Sam had already stepped back and was holding the morphine. Dean nodded and concentrated on Cas.

“Hang in there, Babe. We’ll do the painkillers now.”

The rapid breathing and the shakes throughout Cas’s body stilled soon after and Dean watched Sam place Cas’s arm over his stomach again. Cas tightened it a bit and then took a deep breath.

“Better?” Dean watched Cas open his eyes slowly and look at him.

“Yeah.”

“Don’t worry Cas, we’ll figure it out. It still might just be a stomach bug.”

Cas smiled and pulled Dean’s hand in to kiss it. “I told you so. Just let me sleep and I’ll be better.”

The short gaze Cas sent Sam before looking back at Dean, convinced Dean that Cas didn’t believe his own words, but he decided to give the man some rest. “Sure. Relax for a while. Sam and I will be in the room, okay?”

Cas nodded and let go of Dean’s hand and closed his eyes.

* * *

“Sam?” Dean joined Sam on the other side of the room, but kept an eye on Cas, who was already close to sleeping. “What do you think?”

Sam shook his head. “It’s definitely _not_ a stomach bug.”

“Do you think the witch did something?” With the stomach pain and the fever raising that high before they even noticed that he had a fever, Dean had already considered that this wasn’t natural.

Sam handed Dean the thermometer and nodded towards Cas. “I think we should keep an eye on him till Rowena gets here. I’ll call her.”


	2. Chapter 2

“C’mon, how long can it take for her to get here?! She’s a witch, can’t she just make a spell or portal or something?!”

“I’m sure that’s not how it works.” Sam hung the new bag of fluids he’d just attached to the IV.

Dean had been sitting next to Cas for over an hour, rubbing his arm and trying to make him calm. It didn’t help. Cas was shifting and moaning, from dreams or pain, but not responding to anything but the ice-packs Dean brushed down his neck. He didn’t move from his side and even now he had an arm wrapped around his stomach. They had tried to turn him to his back to get more icepacks on him, but he’d screamed in pain and fought them and they’d decided that it would only make his condition worse.

“Sam. Hand me the thermometer.”

“It’s not going to show anything different from ten minutes ago.” Sam handed Dean a new ice-pack and sat down behind Cas with one of his own. Cas only breathed in a little deeper as Sam held it to his bare back.

Dean tried not to get angry with Sam, he really tried. He knew he was doing everything to help, but it just wasn’t enough and if Rowena wouldn’t be here soon, he and Sam would have to drop Cas in an ice-bath. Dean didn’t want to do that. Both Sam and he had been on the receiving end of that and it wasn’t only uncomfortable to come out of; it was painful, and with Cas already in pain it would be excruciating. Besides, it could bring on a whole new set of problems, since they still didn’t know what the hell this was.

After a big inhale to deliberately calm his own voice, Dean looked up at Sam, who looked just as helpless as he sounded. “Just give it to me.”

Sam nodded to the nightstand next to Dean. “It’s where you put it.”

Nodding to himself, Dean dropped the ice-pack on the mattress and took the thermometer and buried his free hand in Cas’s hair. “Cas?” He leaned in closer and held the thermometer to Cas’s lips. “Cas, Angel? Hold this again.”

Dean hated that he didn’t hear him, or at least couldn’t respond to it. He tried again, pushing the thermometer a little between his lips. Cas moaned louder than he’d been doing when they didn’t try to get his attention and Dean’s heart beat a little faster. Sam’s hand pushed between Dean’s and Cas’s scalp and he placed the ice-pack on Cas’s neck, holding Cas calm and freeing both Dean’s hands. Hastily, Dean looked up and got a small nod from Sam.

“Cas. It’s me, okay?” Dean took Cas’s chin as light as he could, while still opening his mouth just enough for him to place the thermometer. Cas weakly tried to avoid the touch and intrusion but ended up with only a protesting groan.

“Shh. You’re good.” Dean didn’t even care that it sounded like he was talking to a kid. Cas was in pain and out of it. If he had the slightest sense of what was happening, he was bound to be terrified.

Dean held the thermometer and Cas’s chin still till the time was up and brushed his chin lightly when he took it out. Sam let go and moved the ice to the middle of his upper back again. Cas only sighed and shifted slightly in response and went back to his previous state of looking like he had a nightmare that had went on for an hour.

“So?” Sam had that, I-told-you-so sound on his voice, but his face showed real worry that it had risen.

With a sigh, Dean dropped the thermometer back on the table and shook his head. “106.1”

With a deep sigh, Sam reached over and handed Dean the ice-pack he’d left on the mattress before. “At least it hasn’t gone up more than point-two over the last half hour.”

It wasn’t enough to make Dean believe that any of this was okay. He knew it wasn’t enough for Sam either. They needed the fever to brake but it could be impossible if they didn’t know what was causing it. He sighed and leaned in to Cas and with a light thumb he wiped a few pearls of sweat from his forehead before he placed the ice on the back of his neck.

Cas groaned and tried to roll to his back, but was stopped by his stomach curling him back together with a long and deep cry.

Dean grabbed both of Cas’s hands and held them tight where Cas held them on his stomach. “Sam! He needs more morphine.”

“Dean…” Sam supported Cas’s shoulder as he slowly settled again.

“I know…” Dean bit his lip and sighed. “…more could kill him.” Dean grinded his teeth and wondered if it was quicker for Rowena to figure this out and cure him than for her to just put it Dean instead. It would be easier to handle. Dean was sure it was true for both of them.

“We should consider an ice-bath.” Sam leaned in to make Dean look at him, but Dean only saw out of the corner of his eyes as he focused on Cas. “Dean. Nobody can handle a temperature of 106.1 for long.”

“Yeah…” It hurt Dean to admit that they had to take the chance. “Maybe you’re ri…”

“That’s too high. It’s a good thing you lads called me.”

Both brothers turned to the door where Rowena had just come through, but she was already half way across the room before Dean caught up with the fact that she was actually there.

* * *

Five minutes of Rowena using her magic to detect what was wrong, felt like half an hour to Dean. For the first time since they got out of the car, he was forced to spend more than 30 seconds from holding Cas’s hand. Sam stood silently next to him and Dean had deliberately taken a step away from him in fear that he might accidently grab his brother’s hand instead if something happened.

Nothing happened. Rowena lowered her hands and Cas was still feverishly moving and moaning as he held his stomach tight. Rowena clearly forced the smile she sent them, but all Dean noticed was the hand gesture for him to take the seat next to Cas again.

Dean had barely sat down before he had one of Cas’s hands between his. “Do you know what it is? Is it a spell?”

“Yes.” Rowena calmly but fast picked up her bag and put it on the next bed. “It’s not a spell per se. It’s more of a poison.” She pulled out a couple of small brown leather pouches and a small jar. “Tell me, did he get shot or stabbed or have eaten something you didn’t in the last six weeks?”

Dean looked at Sam who seemed just as confused as himself. “Well yeah.” Sam walked over to see what Rowena was doing. “He was graced with a bullet a little over a week ago, but it hardly touched him. He didn’t even need stitches and it didn’t get infected.”

It was hard to believe that that little cut could do this and after all this time. Dean lifted Cas’s shirt and, sure enough, there was the mark. Just as innocently looking as last night when they crawled in to the bed in the motel room. Dean wasn’t sure it would even leave a scar.

“Let me guess…” Rowena handed Sam a bowl and pointed to the sink in the counter. “Roughly in the same area as the case you’ve just worked, with the witch Sam told me about?”

Dean nodded. “Two towns over.”

“Alright.” Rowena opened one of the pouches and poured it’s content in another small bowl. “I need Sam’s help and if you have oxygen you find that.”

Dean frowned but was already on the way to grab the tank when he asked. “Why? He’s breathing fine.”

“He is.” Rowena took the water from Sam and put it on the bed next to everything else she’d lined up. “His lungs are failing, but he’s not strong enough to fight for more air. The witch must have activated the poison before you killed her. We don’t have much time before all his organs will fail.”

It didn’t matter to Dean anymore that his hands were shaking. They were in a hurry. Cas protested with a loud moan and turned his head when Dean placed the mask over his mouth and nose.

“Hey. It’s alright.” Dean followed Cas’s movements and kept the mask on him. “Just breathe. It’s only air.”

With Dean’s fingers massaging the top of his head lightly and murmuring comforts in his ear, Cas slowly calmed down and accepted that Dean held the mask on him.

He should have connected the cases. The first had been a ghost hunt and the bullet was from a cop as they were trespassing, but they never has cases that close both in geography and time. He looked down at Cas, still deep in some nightmare or fight against pain. He combed his fingers through the damp hair and wished that he’d pushed Cas away faster so the bullet hadn’t grazed him but hit Dean.

“What do we need to do?” Dean didn’t take his eyes of Cas. Now that he could see the mist in the mask for every breath, he realized how shallow Cas had been breathing.

Rowena had Sam running around getting a lot of stuff, Dean wasn’t sure he knew they had in the bunker and she measured everything carefully before mixing it in the small bowl. “It’s a rather simple potion. It should counteract the poison if he’s able to take it in.”

Dean and Sam shared a curious glimpse and Sam handed Rowena a jar and continued the conversation. “Take it in? What does that mean?”

“Well…” She turned quickly and looked at Cas and Dean. “First thing first. Do you think he can drink it?”

With a frown Dean shook his head and looked down at Cas, surprised to see his eyes blinking slowly. “Cas?” He moved his hand from Cas’s hair to his chin and turned his face a little more up towards himself. “Hey, are you with us?”

“Dean?” Sam stood behind Dean in a second.

Dean’s heart stopped beating for the long time that it took for Cas’s eyes to open almost completely and look at him.

“There you are.” Dean brushed his thumb over Cas’s cheekbone while still holding the mask with his other hand. “Can you hear me?”

Only Dean could feel the small and weak nod Cas gave but the relieved breath Dean took must have registered with Sam, because he heard Sam take one just as deep.

“Dea…” Cas heaved in air and his eyes closed for a little too long.

“Shh, Cas. Don’t speak.” Dean looked up at Rowena who was finally pouring something in a cup. “Rowena is here; she’ll get you back to normal in no time.”

Cas pressed his face harder in to Dean’s hand and pulled his knees up a bit more, one to groan in pain. Sam grabbed Cas’s arm to try and steady him but he didn’t move more than that.

“Sam. He’s in pain.” Dean was weirdly glad that his voice sounded more desperate than scared. It seemed like that was the only two he had to chose from anyway.

“I know. We have to wait another half an hour with the next dose.” Sam sounded more sorry than Dean would have liked.

“So. Dean.” Rowena came up to the bed with the cup, and stood behind Cas. “Can he drink this or not?”

It didn’t even seem to register with Cas that she was there, let alone that she was talking about him. Dean shook his head and lifted Cas’s head a little to get the elastic from the mask to hold it in place. Cas gasped and his eyes flared open from the movement bigger than his head had done in hours.

“We can’t get him to sit.” Sam put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and Dean felt simultaneously relived that Sam didn’t want to try that either and scared that there was nothing else they could do.

“I see.” Rowena nodded and leaned in to look at Cas’s face and the mask. “I agree. Whit his breaths that shallow and fast, he won’t be able to pause his breathing to get anything down by himself.”

She put the cup on a table next to the bed and looked over the room. “I presume this is a fully stocked medical ward?”

“As far as I know.” Sam looked down at Dean with a confused frown.

Rowena didn’t let them think much. “Alright then. We’re on the clock remember. Sam, where are the surgical equipment?”

Dean’s hand automatically grabbed Cas’s over his stomach and with the weak squeeze he got back it seemed like Cas picked up on his insecurity. Dean leaned in and slowly kissed his forehead, damning that the fever was still just as high.

“Dean…?” The whisper hardly made it through the mask.

“Hey, what did I say?” Dean smiled and kissed him again. “Don’t speak, okay?”

Cas nodded a bit more prominent this time and then closed his eyes. “Hey, Cas?” Dean squeezed his hand harder. “Are you still here?”

With a low hum Cas reassured Dean that he wasn’t out again and Dean breathed a little easier.

“Hang on, babe.” He took one of the ice-packs from the table, that was not really ice anymore but still cold. He placed it carefully on Cas’s forehead and ignored the hint of a flinch, but moved it slowly over his temple and down to the back of his neck. “Feel good?”

Cas stayed silent and motionless except for his hand holding on tighter to Dean’s.

“Dean.” Sam put his hand on Dean’s shoulder and Dean looked up at a reassuring but too kind of a smile.

Rowena was right next to him and placed a box of gloves on the bed, but what Dean’s eyes settled on was the long and thin tube in her hand.

“You’ve got to be kidding me…” Dean looked from Sam to Rowena. “Can’t you just inject it in a vein or something?”

The almost sad smile from Rowena as she shook her head only made Dean feel worse. “It’s too much, it’s dangerous to get it in the blood that fast.”

Sam’s hand pulled Dean’s shoulder back a little, gesturing for him to move. Not able to find another option, Dean took his hand from Cas and all but sprinted to the other side of the bed. Cas seemed confused and used valuable energy to try and lift his head, but Dean hastily sat on the mattress and put his hand back on the arm Cas had wrapped around his stomach.

“I’m here.” He rubbed his other hand on Cas’s upper arm and shoulder. “I’m right here, Babe.”

Dean ignored the obvious notice Rowena took of the pet-name. She knew they were together but this had to have been a new reveal for her. She sat down on the chair where Dean just had been and put on gloves.

“Sam, I need your help. Stand behind him and hold his neck tilted a bit back. If you can, hold the mask still over his mouth.”

Dean didn’t follow and looked at Sam as he found his place, leaned over Cas’s head. Sam smiled hesitant at Dean. “It’s a nasogastric tube and will go through his nose. He won’t feel it as much as if it was going through his mouth.”

It all became so much more real with all the words spoken out loud. Dean wasn’t sure if the nose thing was better or more creepy.

“Castiel?” Rowena looked for Cas to open his eyes, but it didn’t seem like he was going to. “Castiel, do you know who I am?”

The room fell silent as they waited for Cas to answer and finally he nodded.

“Good. Then you know I’m here to help?”

It took longer this time, as if Cas was thinking the question over, but he nodded again and didn’t react as Sam tilted his head back and moved the mask down so it was only over his mouth.

Rowena didn’t waist more time. They all felt like they had already taken too long to get here, but Dean appreciated Rowena’s attempt to prepare Cas. The small tube didn’t look so small as it went up Cas’s nose and by the way Cas’s eyes sprung open and the force he tried to pull his head back, it didn’t feel like that either.

“Cas. It’s alright. You can still breathe.” Dean held tight to Cas’s shoulder and squeezed his hand just as hard as Cas held on to him. “Breathe, Angel. It’s over soon.”

Cas fought the intrusion, but it didn’t seem to make him gag. Dean was sure he would have gagged, he almost did now. Cas moaned in distress and once a while it seemed like his voice was cracking over into whines.

“All done, Castiel. It’s in.” Rowena took the mask from Sam and placed it back as good as she could with the tube leading out from under it. Dean moved closer to Cas’s head and Sam stepped back, giving him room. Gently, Dean moved his fingers over the back of Cas’s head and felt him slowly calm down and settle in to his normal amount of pain and fever shivers. Sam handed Dean a new ice-pack and Dean placed it on the middle of Cas’s upper back, watching him breathe in deeper than he’d done in a long time. “We’ll get you better now. You’ll be fine.”

Dean looked at Rowena as he spoke, hoping to get a confident smile or nod back, but she only concentrated on getting the filled syringe connected to the tube.

“Wait.” Dean sat up straight and stopped moving the ice-pack. “How…? Will it hurt him? What should we prepare for?”

Rowena stood up. “You might want to sit where he can see you.”

Sam silently took the ice-pack from Dean and sat on the edge of the mattress as soon as Dean had stood. Cas’s eyes were still open and he seemed relieved when Dean came in to his line of sight.

“See? I’m still here.”

The slightest hint of a smile showed through the mask and Cas moved his hand out form under his head pillow for Dean to take.

“We shouldn’t prolong this.” Rowena was standing next to Dean, and had her hand on the big plunger. Dean nodded at her and leaned in to kiss Cas’s forehead; preparing for whatever to come.

The slow thumb Dean had on Cas’s hairline seemed to move back and forth a bit too many times before something happened. Dean looked at Sam and followed his eyes up to Rowena. She seemed almost angry at the situation.

“Rowena?” Dean held on a bit tighter to Cas. “Did it work?”

She shook her head. “He couldn’t take it in.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” Now it was Dean who was angry. “All of it is in him. What the hell does _take it in_ mean?!”

Rowena let go of the tube and rushed to the other bed. “Sam, get me some bigger bowls! Dean, keep him cooled down!” She snapped her fingers and pointed at the nightstand. “Check his temperature!”

Sam dropped a new box with ice-packs next to Dean and then headed for the kitchen.

“Rowena!” Dean yelled as he hastily, and much against Cas’s will, placed ice-packs close around him. “What the hell is going on?!”

“He needs to not only ingest it, but his body needs to absorb the potion, but he’s too week. We need to give him more at once. Leave the tube in!” She measured some orange powder and threw it in the big bowl Sam came back with.

“We need to make sure he’s ready to take it in; there can be nothing interfereing and since we can’t pump his stomach with his breathing...” She took the second big bowl from Sam. “Sam, I’ve got everything. You help Dean, with the enema.”


	3. Chapter 3

Dean wasn’t sure they had anything to administer an enema. From the look on Sam’s face, when the surprise had faded, he wasn’t sure either, but somehow he’d gotten the infirmary organized well enough years ago, that he knew exactly where to look.

As Sam got one unsettling thing after the other ready, Dean tried to calm the shaking hand hurting Cas while at the same time holding the thermometer in him mouth. Rowena worked twice as fast as before it seemed and she didn’t make time to explain anything further.

Cas was awake but it didn’t seem as if he knew that everything around him was happening at high speed. He had just enough energy to fight the thermometer, Dean held in his mouth. He seemed weaker for every second he didn’t have the oxygen mask on him, so Dean tried to make it only take one try. The ice seemed to have cooled him a little but it had definitely made him feel his stomach more. He hummed in protest when Dean once again took his chin and prevented him from moving away.

“Just a few more seconds.” Dean hoped to see his eyes looking up at him, but Cas kept them closed and only let out a disgruntled growl.

Cas voiced an almost silent hum when Dean finally was able to take the thermometer and put the mask back over his nose and mouth.

“Rowena. It’s down to 105.8, that’s good right?” Dean knew it was far from enough, but he breathed a little easier knowing that it wasn’t still ricing.

Rowena looked back from her work for a second, seemingly mostly to look at how far Sam was. “The ice is helping, but it only means that the fever won’t kill him. You know a fever is there to kill the infection, this might be a spell, but the fever was him fighting it. We have to be careful he doesn’t cool too much.”

“Dean.” Cas pressed the word out through shaking, lack of air and the plastic mask and ended up only more curled in on himself.

“Hey.” Dean turned his attention to Cas and quickly took the hand, not on Cas’s stomach firmly in his. “Just breathe. Don’t talk okay?”

Cas formed a week smile and breathed in deep, but huffed the air out fast as his arm pressed harder to his stomach.

“Sam.” Dean tried his best not to startle Cas, but still get Sam to join them without delay. Cas pulling Dean’s hand firmly to his chest with a new wave of pain, had Dean forget any effort. “Sam. He needs morphine. Hand it over, and don’t even dare to look at the time.”

With a short nod Sam agreed before stealing a quick gaze at the clock on the wall. As soon as Sam touched the line for the IV. Dean covered the back of Cas’s neck with a light hand and rubbed his thumb over the hairline behind his ear.

“Just seconds now, okay?”

There was no answer until Cas’s shoulders bit by bit dropped from almost ear height and his legs slowly let his knees move down to something almost resembling a comfortable position. Only his hand on Dean’s remained rigid.

“How are you now?” Dean could see, from the arm on his stomach, that he was still in pain, but not more than he could handle.

“Better, thanks.” Cas let Dean catch his eyes, and Dean felt an overwhelming urge to give him another dose, just to give him some sleep. “I’m cold though.”

“Yeah, sorry about that, you were on your way to frying your brain. You still could, but let’s check again, okay?”

Cas nodded and let Dean place the thermometer under his tongue.

“Dean we need to do this now.” Rowena gestured to all the paraphernalia Sam had placed on the table he’d moved over. “We need to give him at least two before he’s ready. The potion is stronger and there’s more so we have time before it’s ready, but not much.”

“No.” Cas must have reacted to his tone, since he was now squeezing Dean’s fingers white. Dean brushed his free hand through Cas’s hair and held it there as he stood up. “_We_ won’t do anything. If there’s no way around this you are both leaving.”

* * *

When Sam walked out of the room he looked more relieved than Dean had expected. But Dean wasn’t really sure he’d had time to expect anything at all anyway.

Rowena had silently made everything for the potion ready, and told Dean exactly how to get Cas ready after the enema, so he only had to call them in at the last second.

The new temperature was 103.2 so before Rowena left she’d helped removing over half of the ice-packs, giving Cas the ability to relax more.

It wasn’t clear to Dean if Cas was aware that the others had left or what was about to happen. He only followed Dean with attentive eyes when Dean walked to the table. Maybe he was just enjoying the painkillers and had no energy to try and predict the next step.

Dean had never done this before, he’d never seen the paraphernalia before, but Sam had connected everything, so following the small drawings seemed easy enough. Except it was so beyond anything he would ever have to do to anyone, not even Cas who he’d seen naked countless of times. This was a whole new level of intimate.

Dean was on a clock though and his hands moved quickly picking up the package of lube, which seemed awfully small, and the tube. He turned to Cas, who already looked more sick from the mask and the small tube leading from his nose and out under it. He avoided his tired half open eyes and walked around to stand behind him but didn’t even touch him before Cas tried to roll to his back and look at him.

“What are you…? Dean?” It wasn’t hard to hear the slightly panicked words through the mask.

“C’mon. Don’t move.” Dean placed a heavy hand on Cas’s hip and held him on his side until he relaxed again and caught his breath from the painful exercise.

“Rowena said we should hurry. I’ll explain everything in a second but you have to jut trust me now.” He moved his hand to Cas’s shoulder and leaned in to kiss his temple. “It won’t hurt, okay? Just let me.”

Cas put his free hand on Dean’s for a second before he took hold on the pillow. “Okay. You know I trust you.”

As Dean pulled the damp blanket from Cas’s waist to the middle of his bare thighs, he wished that he’d made the witch suffer before he killed her. Witch killing bullets were effective but in this case it was too merciful. He took hold of the waistline of Cas’s boxers and moved them quickly down too. Cas vocalized a questioning hum and turned his head to look back but didn’t manage.

“We’re alone. Babe, it’s only us. I need to do this.”

Cas breathed in deep and Dean took a second to appreciate that he didn’t curl up in pain by the strain of his lungs and middle. Shaking his head to get back to the case in hand Dean opened the small package and smeared the lube on the tube. Being only a little bigger than his thumb it didn’t look too big, but the inflatable part to keep it from falling out would be bigger than that. He told himself that it still couldn’t be that bad. With a surprisingly steady hand he lifted Cas’s one cheek and confidently placed the plastic against Cas’s exposed muscle and watched it clench.

“I know it’s weird. I know, but go with me here.”

Cas stirred a little and held his breath for a second as if he considered his options before he relaxed and nodded. Controlled and calm, Dean pushed the tube inside and made sure the balloon was completely in before putting the syringe with air to the little nuzzle. Cas growled low as he pushed it in, but only clenched and fought it for a second.

“There. Hang on for a sec.” Dean hastily grabbed a sheet dry sheet from another bed and threw the blanket to the floor. He stood in front of Cas as he covered him and before he sat down he unclasped the tube so the water could flow freely.

“I don’t understand.” Cas grabbed Dean’s hand as soon as he was close enough.

“I’m sorry. I had to get it started fast.” Dean looked up and watched the water go down, too fast for his comfort, and he was sure for Cas’s too, but too slow for Cas to get better soon. “The potion didn’t work and we have to try this way.”

Cas shook his head slowly and he looked even more confused than a second ago.

“You have to get cleaned out first. I kicked the other two out for that.”

Cas was beginning to breathe heavier and his upper leg was starting to move a little, as if he couldn’t get comfortable.

“How do you feel?”

“I’m… it’s weird.” Cas’s looked down into the mattress and took another deep breath. “It does nothing good for my stomachache.”

Dean gave the bag of water another look and leaned in to kiss Cas’s forehead and for the first time he didn’t worry that his fever was rising. “Just try to let it happen it. It doesn’t look like it will take long and it’s going out right away, through the same tube.”

Cas nodded and closed his eyes, clearly concentrating about his breathing. As the minutes went by, Cas started shaking and his breathing became more strained. Dean had underestimated the time a lot and was now wondering if they had a tank of oxygen somewhere which could give a heavier flow.

“Over halfway there, Babe. Just hang in there.” Dean hated that he could do nothing but try and talk Cas through this.

Cas squeezed Dean’s hand tighter and for the first time in twenty minutes he looked up at Dean. “Rowena said…” He held his breath and shifted a little, pressing harder on his stomach. “She said twice, didn’t she?”

With, what Dean hoped was, a comforting smile he gave a small nod. “She did. But this one is done soon, maybe five minutes, and the next will be the same, so you know that you can do it.”

“I’m too tired.” He closed his eyes and Dean understood completely that Cas just wanted to sleep. It’s horrible to being kept up by cold, fever and pain. This on top of it all would surely had Dean unravel in rage. Cas never reacted in anger the few times it was necessary that others took care of him. After he became human, he was often confused and a bit apprehensive about being sick and the whole patching up thing. Now he was that and exhausted too and he seemed to have just given up on being in control and have given it all over to Dean.

Dean swallowed and rubbed the back of Cas’s hand a bit firmer with his thumb. “I get it. Just let me worry about everything. I’m not leaving you for a second, so if you need to zone out for a minute I’ll still be here, making sure you’re good.”

“But I’m not good.”

“I know, Angel.” Dean placed a slow kiss on Cas’s temple and looked up as the last of the water sunk into the tube.

Dean stood up slowly and when Cas looked up at him he only had to smile to explain and Cas let go of his hand.

Dean moved the empty bag, still attached, into a box on the floor and heard the water start to run back.

* * *

Cas wasn’t as talkative the second time around, not that he’d been the first, but he seemed more exhausted and even a bit annoyed at the situation. Dean spend the time rubbing his hand and murmuring small comforts and reassurances that he was still next to him.

When it looked like there was just about five minutes left of the water, Dean took down Cas’s mask and offered him the thermometer. Only after he’d silently argued with Cas and won, did he realized that it might was a good idea that Cas couldn’t talk as easily while he had to explain the next step.

“Cas, listen for a sec. I’ll tell you what happens now.” Dean rubbed his hand a bit firmer.

Cas shifted position, only an inch but he still hissed from the tightness and the little of the stomachache the morphine didn’t get. Dean supported Cas’s shoulder and waited till he was settled.

“Take it easy. Five more minutes, okay?”

Cas hummed around the thermometer and blinked so slow enough for a whole breath to pass in the meantime.

“Listen. When the water is out, I’ll check it and see if you need a third…”

Dean was interrupted by Cas pulling his hand closer to his chest. Cas’s chin quivered and it seemed as he’d forgotten the thermometer. Dean placed it carefully back. “I know you’re tired. I know it makes your stomach hurt more, but it’s the only way. Besides, you might not need another one.”

It didn’t seem as it was a comfort to Cas, but he accepted it as it was and Dean could let go of the thermometer again. Dean carefully moved his now free hand up and combed through Cas’s damp hair, feeling the heat still radiating from him as he traced a thumb over Cas’s jawline.

“When were done with this, I’ll change the tube for another and then call Rowena and Sam back in here.”

Cas held his mouth closed around the thermometer, but his eyes said everything: confusion, embarrassment and maybe a trace of fear. Dean smiled and slowly kissed his temple before he took the thermometer from Cas.

“103.3. Either it’s stable or it’s going up again.” Dean gave the box of ice-packs a gaze and wondered it he would have to torture him with that again. That potion better work this time.

“Dean?”

Quickly but cautious, Dean placed the mask back over Cas’s mouth and nose, careful not to disturb the line from his nose. “I won’t let them see anything, Babe; you’re safe. But they have to be here, I can’t give you the potion… well, in both ends at the same time.”

It seemingly took a few seconds before Cas caught up with what Dean had just said. He slowly started shaking his head, but Dean held his jaw firm to stop him and leaned in close. “It’s a lot I know, but you’re not dying on my watch. This is how it’ll go: I’ll take care of the big one, Rowena will do the one through your nose and Sam will sit right here on this chair and make sure you’re with us and know what’s happening.”

“No, Dean I…”

Dean was ready to interrupt the protest but Cas quickly moved his arm from his stomach and took Dean’s other hand. He pulled it close to his stomach again, and Dean followed to give him the small comfort it was, while still holding both hands.

“How…?” Cas looked deep in thought. “How…?” He looked back and let his eyes follow the tube to the almost empty bag. “They won’t see?”

“No, Babe.” Dean kissed the hand he’d held for hours now. “I’ll change the tube, but that’s one is long too. The sheet will cover you completely, I won’t even have to touch you.”

Cas hissed and pushed his and Dean’s hand tighter on his stomach.

“Shh. Just take a few deep breaths and it’s done. Then I’ll check.” Dean was already on his feet, ready to go move the bag down.

When the last half inch of water was gone, he waited for Cas to loosen the grip on his hands before he moved. The water ran slowly back as soon as Dean lowered the empty bag into the box on the floor. The color of the water running back was almost completely clear. He had to wait and see till more came out, but so far it looked as this was enough.

He sat back in front of Cas and met his fatigued but observant eyes. Dean slowed everything down and caressed Cas’s cheekbone gently. “It looks good. A few more minutes and we’ll know.”

“Dean.” Cas spoke clear but the sound barely made it out of the mask. “If you don’t have to see or touch, Sam can do it.”

“What?” Dean waited for further explanation but Cas only looked at him with begging eyes. “You want _Sam_ to do it?”

Cas nodded and kept eye-contact while he took Dean’s hand from his cheek and the other too. Dean’s lungs untightened and all confusion and fear that Cas didn’t want him to do it despaired.

“Okay Cas.” He kissed the back of Cas’s hand and held it tighter too. “I’ll talk to Sam. I’ll stay right here the whole time if that’s wat you want.”

A relieved breath loosened Cas’s shoulders a bit, but both him and Dean jumped as there was a knock on the door.

“Dean?” Sam sounded both nervous and in a hurry.

Dean placed a heavy calming hand on Cas’s shoulder and turned to the door. “Yeah?”

The door opened a little but not fast enough that Dean feared that Sam would open it completely. Only a few inches of light from the hall made it easier to hear what Sam was saying.

“Rowena says that in ten minutes we’re in the window for the potion to work. How far are you? It will only work for half an hour.”

“Hang on.” Dean kept his eyes at the door as he stood up and walked to the other side of the bed.

The bag was almost full. The water was clear and Dean sighed in relief but he didn’t take time to enjoy it. He needed to get this done, get it over with; get Cas better.

“Just a few seconds, Sam. Close the door and don’t come in before I call.”

The door shut slowly and Dean could again concentrate on Cas. He put a hand on his shoulder and started to move the sheet down with the other. “No more of this. I’ll change it now.”

Cas breathed in deeply but and only nodded as an answer. Dean understood completely; Cas was glad this part was over, but he had no idea what the next part would feel like. Dean remembered Rowena’s vague answer when he’d asked if the potion would hurt Cas.

With steady hands, Dean attached the small syringe to the tube and pulled out the air from the balloon and Cas automatically shifted from the new feeling.

“Okay. Here we go.” Without further reactions from Cas, Dean pulled the tube out and dropped it in the box and closed it before he pushed it under the bed.

He picked the new one up. It was slightly smaller than the other and didn’t have an inflatable part. Instead the end was wider, like a plug. It wasn’t too big but Dean still covered it with lube from two of the small packages. He lifted Cas’s cheek and Cas flinched under his touch.

“Alright, alright. Just breathe as I place this okay?” Dean didn’t wait for an answer before he pushed against Cas’s muscle, but he got it as soon as he felt Cas relax and Dean didn’t have to use any strength until the last widest part. Cas let out a high-pitched gasp when the plug slid inside and settled. Dean draped the sheet ever him fast and was in front of him before he fully had regained his breath.

“That’s it.” Dean brushed his hand through Cas’s hair and took his hand. “I have to get them in here now.”

Cas looked at the door and then up at Dean before he nodded.

* * *

Rowena had headed directly for the potion and was already dragging it up in the big syringes when Dean pulled Sam aside.

“Sam. You have to do it.”

Sam shook his head in clear confusion and let his gaze run over Cas before he looked Dean in the eyes. “Do what?”

Dean sighed as he looked at Cas, sweating and shifting in discomfort, he wanted to get back to his side fast. With a firm hand on Sam’s shoulder he made sure he had Sam’s undivided attention. “Cas want you to press it in the tube. Sam, he want me to sit next to him so I can’t do it.”

“Oh…” Sam loosened up a bit after understanding what was going on. “Well, everything is ready, right? Because otherwise I won’t; I’m not going to…”

“No.” Dean instinctively stepped forward and almost blocked Sam from Cas. “I’ve done all that.”

“Then alright.”

“Alright?” Dean wasn’t sure he’d heard right. He couldn’t possibly be okay with it.

“Yeah, Dean. We’re in a hurry.” Sam took Dean’s shoulder and turned them both towards the bed. “I’m not going to see more than I already am now, and it would possibly be more awkward for him and me to hold hands like you have been doing all day.”

“You two ready? He’s not getting any better it seems.”

Rowena was right. Dean was sure Cas’s fever was on its way up again and when he took Cas’s hand it was already getting cold again. “Okay, Cas. Let’s get you better.”

Rowena handed Sam the bigger syringe and Sam attached it while she stood next to Dean with the other. She attached it and moved the oxygen mask away so it wouldn’t squeeze the tube.

“Wait…” Cas hardly spoke loud enough that Dean heard it.

“Wait.” Dean made sure everyone knew that nothing was supposed to happen yet. He leaned in to Cas, who had his eyes locked tight on Dean. “What is it?”

“Can I…?” Dean’s stomach tightened as the fear shook Cas’s voice. “The mask.”

“You want the mask on?” Were Cas’s lungs really that bad? If he could feel that he needed the oxygen after only seconds, but his body wasn’t strong enough to fight for it, it was serious. Not that Dean had doubted that for a second.

Rowena reached in and pushed the mask up a bit, so it covered only his mouth. “Here. Hold it like this.”

Dean took it and looked quickly up at her. Rowena looked more serious that earlier and somehow even more compassionate. Sam always said that he was only afraid of dying of an injury or sickness when Dean was kind and caring. Dean was sure he understood how it felt now.

“Alright, Cas. I’ll hold it here. We need to do this now, okay?”

Cas didn’t move under the mask but squeezed Dean’s hand and let out a small hum. Dean nodded at the two others and they both pressed in the content of the big syringes. Cas gasped and frantically curled more up on himself.

“Okay, okay.” Dean stood up and tried his best to follow and put the mask back on as Cas almost pressed his forehead to his knees.

“It’s alright.” Carefully but firm, Dean cupped Cas’s cheek and leaned in trying to get eye-contact with him as he slowly loosened up again. “Babe? You with me?”

Cas nodded and bit by bit he uncurled and looked up at Dean.

“It didn’t work.” Rowena dropped the syringe on the table and marched to the other bed where she had her other stuff.

Dean saw Cas’s confusion and held his hand tighter as he stood. “What do you mean; it didn’t work?! He reacted this time. He felt it!”

Rowena turned and Dean’s stomach sank when he saw tears had build in her eyes. “I’m afraid that was only from it being pushed into him. It’s a lot of fluid, but it’s gone now, and it didn’t work.”

The shaking hand holding his tightened and Dean sat down as he looked to Sam for help.

“So what now?” Sam walked to Rowena’s side and looked over the bed. “We can try again, right? We have enough?”

“We do, but…” Rowena paused and shook her head.

With a slow shake of his head, Cas demanded Dean’s attention. Dean hushed him and kissed his forehead; his fever was going up for sure. “I know you’re tired. I know, but we have to get you better.”

Dean looked up at Rowena and Sam. “_But_, what Rowena?”

She sighed and picked up the big bowls. “We have enough for one more, but it will have the same result unless he can take it in.” She looked from Sam to Dean and back, but both of them just waited for her to continue.

“There’s one thing we haven’t tried yet.” She looked at Dean. “Well, that _you_ haven’t tried.”

“Well, spill it!” Dean was not in the mood for cryptic messages when the only thing keeping Cas from unconsciousness was that the morphine was clearly stopping to work. “Why didn’t we just do it to begin with?!”

“If he can’t take it in like this, it’s because he isn’t ready. Body _and_ mind.” She put the bowls in the sink, in a pace that was too slow for Dean’s comfort, and gestured for Sam to grab the other things that needed cleaning. “There’s only thing that can get a person that pliant.”

“Rowena!” Dean rubbed Cas’s hand firmer, trying to keep him calm, while he himself was no where near. He looked Rowena in the eyes and pause for a second. “Tell me.”

Rowena turned and gave him her full attention as she spoke slow and clear. “He can’t be on anything; the morphine stops now.”

Dean hated it; Cas was already starting to shake from the pain, but he didn’t object. If it was what needed to be done, it had to be that way.

“I can’t make the potion stronger and the only way he can be pliant enough for his body and mind not to fight it, is if he has an orgasm right before we administer the last dose.”

Dean wasn’t sure how long he stared at Rowena before Cas stirred again and pulled him out of it. Rowena came over and touched Cas’s forehead lightly with the back of her hand. “The fever is up, isn’t it?”

They both knew it was, Cas hadn’t reacted to her toughing him or to her voice being right next to him. Dean silently picked and ice-pack from the box and touched it lightly to Cas’s neck. Cas hummed loudly and pulled his knees up more, as if the sound had hurt his stomach.

“It’s insane.” Dean shook his head trying not to grind his teeth. It wasn’t Rowena’s fault. “It’s not like he’s in the mood. What else can we try?”

Rowena put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and stepped back a bit. “Sam, how long till the morphine is completely out of his system?”

Sam, who had clearly heard everything, came a bit closer but still kept some distance. “An hour, maybe. Definitely in an hour and a half.”

“Dean, Darling?” Dean could feel her lean in but he kept his eyes on Cas, trying his best to convince himself that it wouldn't be helpful to start throwing punches. “You and Sam keep him alive for an hour and a half and then we’ll start.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >This chapter contains dubious consent.<
> 
> If you thought it had been tough on Cas so far, I'm sorry...  
I promise, pain, fear, confusion and of course lots of hurt / comfort.

“Shh. Not long now, Angel.” Dean was sitting on the mattress holding Cas up in a hug and had been since he figured out that it was futile yelling at Rowena to make her change her mind about the morphine.

Cas, once again, filled the mask with a scream that would have shook the bunker had he not been so tired and out of breath. “I know. I’m sorry, Babe.” Dean rocked him a little back and forth and rubbed his back. “You’re strong. It will be over soon.”

“Sam, how are we on time?” Rowena hadn’t moved from where she’d made the potion. Dean understood and agreed that it might be better for all of them if she kept her distance.

Sam walked up closer to look at Dean with apologetic eyes. “We should wait ten more minutes to be sure.”

Cas shook again, it seemed like the pain came in waves, and Dean hugged him tighter.

“Leave.” Dean looked up at Sam who was clearly confused by his brother’s demand. “Leave us alone.”

Sam nodded and put a heavy hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Ten minutes, Dean.” He held the door open and waited for Rowena to follow before he let Dean and Cas be alone.

Dean rubbed Cas’s back a bit firmer and curled his neck to get closer to Cas’s ear. “Cas, can you hear me? I need you to listen.”

Dean felt the slightest nod against his shoulder just a second before Cas growled and pushed himself closer to Dean.

“It’s alright. We know how to fix you.” Dean waited for Cas to return to his previous state of panting for air and quietly crying while holding on for dear life to Dean’s shirt.

“The other times didn’t work. This time will, but I have to do something first.”

Cas heaved in air and let it out in a loud trembling exhale. “A… anythi…” He gasped for air prompting Dean to straighten his own back in the hope that Cas would have room for more air as well.

“I know Angel. But you need to hear it.”

Cas nodded again, clearly reluctant to try to speak again.

I hurt Dean to even think it, let alone say it, but there was no way around it, and he was not going to just do it. The only good thing from this pain was that it had woken Cas up.

“For it to work, you have to have an orgasm right before.”

It took a few seconds, and Dean started to wonder if he’d even heard him, but eventually Cas slowly pushed himself a bit to the side and looked up at Dean.

“Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

Cas’s face was wet and patchy red, but his eyes were clear. “It won’t…” He curled up with his side against Dean’s torso and Dean lifted him up to a hug again, so he wouldn’t roll of bed.

“I know it won’t be easy like this, but you and me; we can make it work.” He held Cas’s head against his shoulder and kissed his temple. “We have to get through this and then the potion will work.”

“Sure?” The question was only a small whimper, but still made it through the mask.

“I’m sure.” Dean wasn’t. Actually he was sure that the odds were against them, but he had to try. “Please, Angel. Let me help you.”

Cas gasped in air with another pain wave, but managed to nod at the same time.

“I need you to lie back, can you do that?”

Cas’s tired hands managed to cling harder to Dean’s shirt.

“I’ll help. It’s alright.” Dean slowly put his feet to the floor and, still holding Cas tight, he stood up.

Cas moaned and his whole body shook, but Dean had to believe that the pain would go back to normal once they stopped moving.

“Okay, I’ve got you.” Dean slowly leaned forward and moved Cas’s back towards the mattress. Cas howled and pinkly fast wrapped both arms around Dean’s neck. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Cas.”

Once Cas was on his back and his legs were bent as much as they could without him using muscles to lift them, Cas still didn’t let go of Dean. Panting for air and screaming into the mask, Cas’s eyes rolled back and for a second Dean dared to hope that he would pass out, but he kept on clinging to Dean.

“C’mon, let go, Babe. I need to stop this.” It wasn’t Cas’s will as much as it was Dean’s strength that unwrapped Cas’s arms. Frantically, Cas tired to find something to hold on to, but in the end settled for wrapping both arms around his stomach. He turned slightly to his side, but Dean stopped him with a hand on his knee. “I know. It’s better on your side, but I need you like this.”

Cas didn’t seem to hear Dean through his pain, shaking and screaming. There was no way Dean could make this happen with him like this. He could only hope that the sensory overload he was about to force on him would mask some of the pain, but there was a long road till they got there.

Dean tried caressing Cas’s cheek, to get some kind of contact, but Cas only grabbed his wrist and growled something Dean couldn’t understand.

“Sam!” Dean had no other choice that to end it. “Sam, get your ass in here!”

Sam was by Cas’s other side in a second. He looked over the violently shaking and cramping man. “Dean. What do you…?”

Sam didn’t finish the question, but he didn’t have to. Dean only had one answer.

“He can’t do it. Sam, look at him.”

“I am.” Sam grabbed Cas’s shoulder and other knee as he screamed out louder for a few seconds. “But he doesn’t have to do it. _You_ do.”

“Well he has to stay on the bed! Does he look like he can do that?!”

Sam shook his head and Dean noticed him looking at the metal bed-frame for a second before locking eyes with him.

“No!” Dean pulled his wrist from Cas’s grip and let him have his hand instead. “I’m not tying him up! Never! Besides, he’ll freak out even more.”

“Okay. Then I only see one more option.” Sam looked down at Cas again as probably felt Cas get weaker too.

“Well, spill it then! He’s losing this fight.”

As if Cas had heard him, he cramped up in pain and Sam and Dean had no luck keeping him from turning to his side and curl up more.

“Cas!” Dean leaned in holding his shoulder and his hand. “Babe, breathe.” Cas still didn’t react to his words and it his Dean harder for every time. He looked up at Sam. “Let’s hear it. What’s your solution to this?”

“I can hold him.”

Dean almost lost his grip on his shaking boyfriend. “What? You…” He looked from Sam to Cas and back. “How is that better than tying him up? That’s just wrong.”

“I don’t see another option, Dean.” Sam reached for Cas’s upper back, but Dean pushed his hand away.

“I’m not fucking him, half unconscious, while my brother holds him down!”

Sam sighed and carefully tried for Cas’s back again. “I won’t hold him _down_. I’ll hold him steady on the bed.” Confused why he was even considering letting Sam help, Dean didn’t object to Sam touching Cas.

“It’s not like it’s your first time and you know he would agree to it if he was more alert.”

“Well, he’s not! He’s in pain and freaking out!” This was too close to forcing Cas, even after he’d agreed earlier. He hadn’t agreed to _this_.

“I know, and if he becomes more alert I will be able to direct his attention to you. We can make sure I don’t see anything, you know.”

* * *

Sam was on a chair facing the food end of the bed. He’d leaned sideways over the bed so Cas’s head could rest in the crease of his neck. Cas had been quick to accept the embrace from behind and had pushed himself up against Sam, and instantly held on tight to the arm over his chest. It even seemed that he enjoyed regaining a bit of air when Dean lifted his legs. That all went away when Dean spread them, however. Cas fought every movement that had his stomach unprotected, and pulling his knees from each other was definitely one of them.

Dean swore internally as he realized that he had to tear Cas’s underpants, because he hadn’t thought to pull them off before sitting between his legs. When Dean had placed the sheet over Cas’s hips and thighs, so Sam wouldn’t see he didn’t think that this cold feel more wrong, but now it did.

Dean reached over the sheet and graced his hand over Cas’s ribs. “Cas?” He wasn’t sure what he’d hoped for; a nod, Cas’s hand reaching for his, maybe even a word. It didn’t matter, because he got nether of those. He only got more of Cas growling and pressing his face into Sam’s neck, and the occasional whimper of scream, when the pain took over completely.

Sam and Dean locked eyes for long enough that Sam could nod at him to go on, and then Sam looked down and kept his eyes on Cas’s hands desperately clinging to his arm.

Dean filled his lungs to the brink before letting the air out as he willed his hands to stop shaking. He was successful enough that he managed to uncap the lube with one hand and pour a generous amount on two of his fingers. Dean knew how to make Cas tick. He knew the best way to get Cas there fast. More than often they would both prefer to get there the same time, but sometimes it was just exhilarating to watch Cas overwhelmed and pulled over the edge almost before he knew what was happening. Besides, there was no way Dean was getting undressed too in this situation.

He took a firm hold on Cas’s thigh, mostly to steady himself and pressed one finger inside. Cas clenched a little, but compared to the rest of his body it could hardly be called movement and he didn’t pause the pants for air, fogging the mask in a rapid speed.

Unexpectedly, not scared to hurt Cas, Dean pushed in deep and watched him pull away for only a second before the pain in his stomach took over again. Skillfully, Dean found Cas’s prostate and drew the tip of his finger over it lightly, not resulting in a reaction from Cas. Willing his worry down with a hard swallow followed by a deep breath Dean pushed down firmer. Cas’s growls of pain stopped for a second as confusion graced over his pain-distorted face for a second. Not pausing, Dean repeated the move and for every touch he pressed deeper into the side of Cas’s wall.

Cas was still cramping in pain as he started to move his hips, seemingly to get away from the touch. His eyes were still closed hard as he turned his head and pressed his face into Sam’s neck. Dean hated the new whimpers added to the growls, but he kept going. They were in it now, they had to try. A wave of pain shook through Cas and almost pushed Dean out but Dean instinctively held tighter on his thigh and followed as Cas moved up in the bed, leaning higher on Sam’s chest.

“Shh, it’ll be better soon.” Sam whispered into his ear low enough that Dean could hardly hear it through Cas’s wheezing for air, he wasn’t sure he was supposed to hear it anyway.

As soon as Cas fell back down, Dean pushed in a second finger making him moan loudly and tense up again for a second.

“Sorry, Babe.” Dean brushed his free hand over Cas’s thigh, hoping to get a response to that as he didn’t to his words.

He brushed over Cas’s prostate with two firm fingers and Cas’s legs shook making them tense to keep them bent. Dean needed to finish this. Until now Dean hadn’t believed it, but Cas was clearly reacting through the pain, which meant there was a chance that Dean actually could get him off. Dean grabbed the lube and flicked the lid off. As he poured it over Cas’s flaccid shaft he quickly looked up at Sam. With minimal eye-contact, Sam understood and held on tighter to Cas, making sure he wouldn’t move too much as Dean couldn’t hold his thigh anymore.

The first stroke accompanied by a strong touch to his prostate, had Cas shake and moan loudly, followed by a pitiful and breathless whimper. Dean wanted his hips move a little against the tensed up muscles in his thighs and stomach.

“What…?” It was only a whisper, more like a gasp filling the oxygen-mask, but it was enough to make Dean pause.

“Cas… Angel?” Dean spoke loudly, but in an unusually caring tone.

“De…” Cas growled from one of the shorter pain waves and pressed his face into Sam’s neck again. “Dean?”

“It’s me. Don’t worry. It’s just me.”

Cas shook his head slowly, but Dean had no other choice to just keep going, they were still on the clock. Cas shook with the next stroke and the constant massage of his prostate had him moaning and moving his hips. To Dean it looked like an unconsciously result of the sensation, but once in a while it was clearly that Cas tried to move away and it tore into Dean like a hellhound through his flesh.

“De…” Cas’s voice was raw and sounded like it was half locked from sobs building.

“Shh Cas. Dean is right here.” Sam used a rare moment of Cas being still to rub his shoulder.

“S-Sam?” Cas’s eyes flickered open and his gaze scanned the room for a second, seemingly not seeing anything, before he closed them again with a deep moan from Dean’s persistent work.

“Sam is just here to keep you safe. I’m right here.” Dean’s voice was riddled with tears, but even with shaking hands he didn’t stop.

Cas shook his head and tried to move away from Dean, but pushing his mattress with his feet was too much for his stomach and he screamed as he panickily raced up for Sam’s neck and shoulders. Sam quickly got his arms gathered over his chest again and held him steady.

“Cas!” Dean had to pause. “Cas, listen to me.”

Cas shook his head and heaved in a few big gulps of air. It looked like the tube in Cas’s nose was blocking his air, but Dean knew it wasn’t. “Dean?”

“Dean.” Sam looked at Dean, ignoring Dean’s whet cheeks. “Go on. He’s just confused.”

“How the hell is that going to make any of this better!” Dean shook his head and looked at Cas’s white-knuckled hands on Sam’s arm. “He has clearly forgotten what is going on.”

“He’s reacting. Dean, it will work. Besides, he will remember after.”

Sam concentrated on getting his arms around Cas’s chest placed right for Dean to continue, but the way he looked at Dean as he nodded showed that he knew that this still wasn’t okay. Dean closed his eyes and breathed deeply before letting more tears fall as he stated again.

Cas was getting hard faster now, and for every breath he took his growls and whimpers changes into deep moans. He was still asking for Dean, every time he could get air enough and Dean answered every time, with the same heartbreaking result of only more confusion.

The only thing that kept Dean from stopping everything to hold him tight and force Sam to shoot him up with all the morphine they had, was that the movements of Cas’s hips got stronger and was winning the fight with his overworked stomach-muscles. His cock was starting to leak precum and Dean slowly saw an end to this.

“No, wait! Stop!”

Dean almost chocked on his rapid inhale. It was the loudest and clearest words from Cas so far but even through the mask it was clear, it was covered in fear and panic. He was grabbing Sam’s neck again and pulling away from Dean, his eyes were open but he only looked at Sam’s hand over his chest.

“Cas. Relax, it’s alright.” Sam had calmed his lungs faster than Dean.

“Sam…?” Cas looked up at Sam and his panic only raised from it. “No, no… I don’t…”

“Cas!” Dean finally got his voice working enough to break through the gasping and now loud sobs filling the room.

Cas paused for a second, but shook his head and scratched at Sam’s arm and neck again.

“Angel, please.” Dean could feel the shakes through Cas’s body change from physically instinctive reactions to tensed fear and pain.

With his arms still holding Cas from behind and under his arms, Sam took his face firmly with both hands and turned his face towards Dean and spoke calm. “Dean is here. It’s only Dean. He’s helping you, remember?”

Instantly, Cas stilled everything but his rapid breathing. “Dean?”

Dean let go of Cas’s cock and raced to hold his hand tight. “It’s me. You’re alright. Do you remember what’s happening?”

Cas held on tight to Dean’s hand and slowly, Dean saw his confusion lessen, but his eyes was still darkened with fear.

“Cas. Let me help you.” Dean let go of Cas’s hand and let his own slide down Cas’s tight stomach. “Okay?”

Cas nodded and bit his lip as he took hold on Sam’s elbow and let him wrap his arms around his chest again.

Dean swallowed a sob and sat back up. He took Cas’s hard cock firmly and Cas jumped and growled as the sudden movement drew pain from his stomach.

“Just let it happen. Look at me, okay?” Dean stroked Cas slowly as to emphasize his words. Cas gasped and knocked his head back on Sam’s shoulder while not letting Dean out of his sight.

Seconds later, Cas was panting and boring his nails into Sam’s arm. The tube in his nose and the mask, stood in noticeable contrast to the sounds and movements he made. Cas tensed up around Dean’s fingers and Dean pulled out and sped up the pace on his cock. He reached up and took Cas’s hand, making him look at him.

“I know it still hurts, but go with this.”

Cas heaved in air and all but crushed Dean’s hand as he knocked his head back. For the first time since he got into this bed, Cas stretched his legs and with a long scream in both pain and pleasure Cas’s whole body trembled and he came over Dean’s hand.

More stunned than pleased that it had worked, Dean sat back on his heals and took a relieved breath.

“Dean.” Sam looked up from an almost unconscious Cas and mouthed _c’mon_.

Snapping back to the task at hand, Dean picked the plug attached to the tube up and hastily covered it in lube.

“Sorry, babe.” Dean mouthed the words mostly to himself before he in one motion pushed the plug inside. Cas cried out and Dean barely made sure he was covered by the sheet before he pushed him to the side and laid down next to him.

“Relax now.”

* * *

Rowena reached over Dean and moved Cas’s mask down before Dean had processed that Sam had called her in. Instinctively, Dean held the mask and pulled Cas as close as he could while still looking at his face.

In Cas’s weary eyes Dean could see his pain building slowly again.

“Now.” Dean looked up at Sam, already with the big syringe in his hands and Sam looked to Rowena.

Rowena put a hand on Dean’s shoulder but it was gone just as quickly as it appeared. “Okay, now.”

Dean saw the fluid move though the tube into Cas’s nose and his eyes quickly found Dean’s and Dean did his best to force a smile.

“I’ve got you, okay?”

Cas nodded and in the same second he started shaking and grabbed on to Dean’s shirt. Dean put the mask back and wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close to his chest.

“It’s alright. It’s alright.” Dean’s voice shook but he didn’t even care about it as he looked at Sam’s worried face.

It felt like half an hour went by of Cas gasping for air and pressing his forehead into the center of Dean’s chest. Rowena had joined Sam so Dean could see her. Her reassuring smile, confirmed that it was working, but it did nothing to comfort Dean.

Cas’s breathing sped up and with strength, Dean didn’t know he had, he pushed himself back and frantically pushed at the mask and pulled the elastic.

“Hey, hey. Take it easy.” Dean lifted the mask off and Sam took over and removed the elastic from Cas’s tangled hair.

Cas grabbed the tube in his nose, but Dean quickly took his hands and looked straight in his eyes. “Calm down. Let us do that.”

It didn’t seem to matter what Dean was saying. Cas kept fighting but Dean held him long enough that Rowena could pull out the tube safely. Dean let Cas’s hands go as he shook his head violently and he rubbed his face roughly.

“Good?” Dean could see that he wasn’t but he had to say something.

Cas’s breathing was still too fast for anyone’s body to sustain and he was now turning to his back, but didn’t get there before he growled in discomfort. Whining he reached back but didn’t reach.

“Sam! Rowena!” Dean sat up and the two others held Cas’s upper body and head from following.

Dean reached under the sheet and took the tube, but Cas was tensing so it was almost impossible to move. “Cas. Let me get it.”

It seemed as Cas was close to passing out and with the first sign of weakness, Dean moved the plug out and let it drop to the floor so he was down and looking at Cas before his whimpering moan had ended.

“Better?” Dean didn’t dare hug Cas, he wasn’t sure if it was some case of claustrophobia, but Cas pushed himself tight up against Dean’s chest.

With the smallest touch from Cas’s hand to Dean’s arm, Dean wrapped his arms close around the shaking man.

“Rowena. He’s getting cold.” Dean found her face quickly as she’d sat down right behind Cas.

She smiled and pointed across the room as she nodded at Sam. Soon they were both covered under multiple thick blankets. Dean was burning up, still in his clothes, but at least he would help warm up Cas. He rubbed Cas’s back and felt him try and take deeper breaths. Rowena didn’t seem worried at all but Sam was obviously fighting the urge to pace the floor.

Dean looked at Rowena. “How long?”

She shook her head slowly and looked at the clock on the wall. “He’s had the poison activated in him longer than I’ve seen before. I’m not sure.”

Before Dean could reply with a not so satisfied answer, Cas tensed up and his breathing became shallower and strained. Dean pushed him back with much struggle as he seemed to have locked every muscle.

“Cas?”

His hands and arms were cramping over his own chest and he didn’t unclench his hand as Dean tried to take it in his.

Dean looked into his eyes, which seemed to be the only thing Cas was able to move. “Cas. I’m right here, okay?”

Panic, maybe from not being able to move, maybe from not controlling his breathing, shined through his eyes.

“I’m right here with you, Angel. I’ve got you. I’ll stay just like this.” Dean hunched his neck a little to underline that he wasn’t going to break eye-contact.

Cas blinked slowly and, maybe it was Dean’s imagination but, it looked like some of the fear let go if Cas. Dean placed a calm hand on Cas’s cheek and smiled at him. “It’ll be over soon. It’s working.”

It was a poor comfort, Dean knew that, but at least he knew one of the statements to be true.

Slowly, the cramping let go of Cas’s lungs and he was getting more air. Not long after his arms stopped shaking and his shoulders sunk. Dean stretched his neck to kiss Cas’s forehead and his eyes watered with relief as he pulled him into a strong hug and looked up at Sam. “His fever is gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I would end it here, but I feel like Cas and Dean deserves more than this stressful chapter, so there will be a fifth chapter. Hopefully soon.


	5. Chapter 5

Cas had slept in Dean’s arms for three hours before Dean’s deep and strained breathing made Sam remove the two top blankets and leave them with only a thin cover.

“Thanks.” Dean whispered and shifted a bit, careful not to wake up Cas. “Why are you still here?”

Sam sat against the headboard in the bed next to them. “I had to make sure you didn’t suffocate under there, didn’t I?” He took the book laying open upside down on the bedside table and bend his knees so he could rest it on his thighs. “I sent Rowena on her way though.”

A sudden insecurity hit Dean and he looked at Cas, who was slowly starting to stir. “Is she sure it’s over? It won’t come back?”

Sam clearly picked up on Dean’s doubt and closed his book, giving Dean his full attention. “She stayed for over an hour. She’s sure he’s good now.”

Cas hummed and almost squirmed his way closer to Dean’s chest. Dean supported his back and held him tighter and couldn’t help to place a kiss on his forehead, maybe to calm him but definitely to check his temperature too. His fever was still gone. He seemed a bit colder than Dean actually, but it made sense since Dean had laid in bed with all of his clothes and Cas was completely naked.

“Sam.” Dean lifted his head slowly and whispered lower than before. “Can you get him a set of clothes?”

Sam smiled and shook his head lightly as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. “I’m not going through his underwear drawer; besides, I didn’t know he had more than one set.”

Not in the mood to joke and, since Cas was clearly waking up, Dean took a deep breath and spoke calmly. “He’s human now, remember?”

“Oh, it hasn’t skipped my mind; it means that he can’t wipe all of this from my memory.” Sam left before Dean could respond. He didn’t know how anyway; this could get more than awkward for a long time.

Cas sluggishly grabbed Dean’s shirt on his chest and sighed deep, letting it out in a deep hum.

Dean slowly moved his hand up Cas’s back and ended with his fingers buried in his messy hair. “Hey, Angel. You awake?”

“Yeah.” Only Just a whisper made it out through Cas’s raw throat.

“How’re you feeling?”

It seemed like Cas needed a minute to take status of his body. He shifted a bit an let out a few strained breaths.

“Just sore.”

Holding his breath, Cas pushed himself a bit back and letting the air out sharply he looked up at Dean. He was flushed red from the heat, just as Dean assumed he was himself. His eyes were glazed over after sleeping, but much more clear and present than earlier and Dean looking in them, Dean believed Rowena’s assessment.

“Just sore, huh?” Dean smiled and moved the arm under Cas’s head down letting his cheek rest in his palm. “Your throat too I hear.”

With a tired but genuine smile, Cas nodded slightly. “Everywhere.”

“Yeah, I bet you are. I’ll get you back to normal in no time.” Dean moved closer and kissed Cas’s lips, relishing in the feeling of Cas kissing back.

“Is it safe to come in?”

Sam had opened the door half way. Dean gave Cas a quick kiss more before standing up and called Sam in. Cas hummed disgruntlingly as the mattress moved and his Dean wasn’t as a wall in front of him anymore. He quickly pulled the cover up to his chin and pulled his knees up close to his chest.

“Here.” Sam placed the neatly folded clothes on a chair at the foot end of the bed. “I brought a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie of yours too, he didn’t have any. I guess the times I’ve seen him in one, it was yours.”

Dean didn’t think Cas had anything but button shirts and dress pants either, he knew for a fact that Cas had borrowed some of his more comfortable clothes, especially in those late mornings. Maybe he should by him some, except felt good seeing Cas in his clothes.

Not managing to keep in every pained moan, Cas turned to his back with a sharp sigh and Dean helped him get a small pillow under his head. “Thank you Sam.”

Sam gave Dean a short look, clearly after hearing Cas’s worn out voice, but they couldn’t really be surprised after him screaming for hours. “Sure thing Cas. I’m just glad to see you back. Is there anting else you need before I disappear?”

Cas looked up at Dean and Dean slowly picked up his hand and held it lightly with both of his. “No, we’re good. Thanks.” Dean nodded towards the bedside table where Sam had been and Sam nodded with a smile as he went over and took his phone with him out of the room.

* * *

Dean brushed his hand through Cas’s hair and kissed him lightly and as he stood up he slowly placed Cas’s hand back down by his side.

“I’ll get something to clean you a bit, you can’t be comfortable like this.”

“I’m fine Dean. I’ll shower in a while.” Cas reached for Dean’s hand but hissed as soon as he tried to move his shoulder. Dean placed a heavy hand on Cas’s and carefully brushed the other over his shoulder.

“It’s not the muscles around your stomach that’s sore?”

Cas sighed as if he was busted in a secret and had to come clean. “That’s the worst, but…” He shifted his shoulder a bit and Dean noticed his legs move slightly too. “My joints are sore too. I guess I tensed up a lot.”

Dean nodded, looking over Cas’s body and squeezing his hand a little. “Which joints are worst?”

With great effort, Cas swallowed and Dean’s stomach rolled from how painful it looked. “Neck, shoulders…” He tried to clear his throat but it didn’t seem to give any relief. “…elbows. A bit in m…” Cas’s voice cracked over in a raw exhale.

“Okay.” Dean cupped Cas’s cheek and leaned in a bit to look him in the eyes. “Take a break with the speaking.”

Cas instantly relaxed and his head fell heavier into the pillow.

“I’ll get you something for that.” Dean quickly crossed the room and opened their medicine cabinet, mentally thanking Sam for having it alphabetized.

“Dean.” Cas’s voice was reduced to only a light flow of air. Dean grabbed the cough syrup as well and turned to see Cas’s picking at the tape over the IV cannula.

“Babe. No.” Dean smiled overbearingly and kind. “It’s not morphine. It’s a bit overkill.” He sat down the bottles on the table next to the bed and took Cas’s hand with the IV. “Besides, I like you up and alert. We can take that thing out.”

Once again Cas seemed to calm a bit and he drew in a bigger mouthful of air, but his arm twitched as if he wasn’t sure if he should pull his hand away.

“Hey, I know how you feel about these things.” Dean sat down on the edge of the bed and put a hand on Cas’s upper arm. “You won’t feel it. Sam and I have tried it countless times.”

Cas nodded and locked his eyes to the ceiling. Dean reached up and drew a thumb over Cas’s jawline, before concentrating on the job. Cas only reacted to the tape coming off, and didn’t react to the small rubber tube leaving his hand. Only a small cotton ball stuck with a piece of white tape, decorated Cas’s hand when Dean placed it on his stomach and leaned in to kiss his cheek.

“Can you sit up, you think?”

Cas nodded and lifted his head, but when he tightened his core to get up further, he dropped back with a growl that had to have hurt his throat.

“Hey, hey. Take a second.” Dean put a heavy hand on Cas’s chest. “Let me help, okay?”

Cas nodded and as soon as his breathing was back to normal, Dean stood up and pushed his hands under his back and shoulders.

“Don’t do anything, let me lift you.” In one continuous movement, Dean pushed Cas up and sat behind him, letting him rest back on his chest as he had an arm loosely around his chest.

“Okay?” Dean felt Cas’s breathing slowly getting back to even again.

“Yeah.” The whisper was only just loud enough for Dean to hear.

Dean nodded to himself and reached for the bottle of pills and handed one to Cas. “You think you can swallow this?”

It took a bit too long for Cas to put it in his mouth and accept the glass of water Dean held up for him. Dean wasn’t sure it would go down, but Cas was breathing fine, so his throat had to be only sore and overworked and not inflamed enough to swell up. That didn’t mean that it wasn’t painful for him to get down, and Cas did try four times and use almost all the water before he handed the glass back and leaned back heavy and winded on Dean’s chest.

“Good.” Dean didn’t hide the relief on his voice. “It will help with the pain. I would have given you two, but with the cough syrup that might be too much of the good stuff.”

“Cough sy…?”

“Hey. Don’t talk.” Dean kissed Cas’s temple quickly and took the syrup. “Your throat is all messed up, I think it’s a good idea.”

Cas didn’t object and he didn’t move as Dean used both hands in front of his chest to open the bottle and poured the clear fluid into the small plastic cup. Cas’s shaking hand hadn’t been a problem with the pill and the big glass, but as he lifted his arm to take the small cup, Dean supported his elbow to relief the strain in both that and his shoulder.

The syrup made it down easier, and while still having to work hard to swallow Cas didn’t end up winded like before. Knowing how foul tasting the medicine was Dean offered Cas the rest of the water but he slowly shook his head already resting heavily on Dean’s shoulder.

Maybe he was tired, or maybe it was too painful swallowing more, maybe it was both, but Cas was a grown man and he was allowed to chose something for himself. The next he didn’t though; Cas’s skin was dry and sticky at the same time, not to speak about the, now dried, mess on his crotch and thighs. He had to be itching all over. Dean slowly let Cas back down happy that he didn’t have to move him anymore.

“Now, Angel. You just relax and let me clean you a bit. You cold?”

Still a bit winded from the move back down, Cas smiled and shook his head smaller than Dean had seen anybody shake their head before.

* * *

Goosebumps rose on Cas’s lower leg when Dean pushed the cover away from it. They soon vanished as Dean drew the warm damp cloth over the skin. Starting on his foot and slowly working his way up to the knee, Dean felt his own breathing slow down and his shoulders drop slowly.

“You don’t have to.”

“Cas…” Dean let the cloth cover the better part of the shin and walked up to give Cas a wide smile. “I really do. You smell of sweat and sex, and not in the good way.”

Cas looked down and turned his head what little he could to the side.

“Shit!” Dean whispered to himself. It wasn’t so straight forward as he’d hoped it to be. He’d fooled himself really.

“Cas, Angel.” He took his hand loosely without moving it and leaned in a bit. “Cas. I’m sorry about everything. It wasn’t okay, I know.”

“You saved me.” Cas whispered, but some kind of sadness was still clearly present.

“If there had been another way, I would have done it. Please look at me.” Dean couldn’t handle him turned away like this. He had no way of knowing how he was, even if he would see only hatred and pain, it would be better than being ignored. He put his other hand over Cas’s, suddenly weirdly hesitant of touching him anywhere else. “Babe, please.”

Cas blinked and swallowed slightly before turning his head the little way back and looked up at Dean. Dean saw no anger, no blame. The sadness he’s heard over Cas’s voice was painted over his face and it hurt even more.

“If there had been another way…” Dean swallowed hard and looked at his hands on Cas’s. “I would have done everything. I hated doing that to you. It was horrible.”

What was he doing? This wasn’t about him. It didn’t matter how he felt; this was about Cas. Cas’s hand turned slowly and Dean watched in silence as Cas’s fingers wrapped around Dean’s.

“Dean.”

Dean took a deep breath and looked at Cas.

“I know. It’s not your fault.” Cas hissed as he lifted Dean’s hand and Dean helped him move it to his mouth to kiss it and rest their hold on each other on his chest after. “Thank you for saving me.”

Dean shook his head in confusion. “But… What’s wrong?” Dean squeezed Cas’s hand tighter. “How can I help? Do you…” Dean took another deep breath and willed his voice not to shake. “Do you want me to stop washing… touching you?”

Cas smiled and shook his head. “It’s not like that.” He cleared his throat and took a break to take a few deep breaths. “I… What if this…?”

Cas’s voice trembled and not from the soreness he was fighting in the first place. Dean couldn’t handle if Cas were to start crying, Dean would start too, besides, Dean doubted that Cas would be able to breathe with his throat already ruined.

“What if this, what?” Dean forced a soft smile.

Cas looked down again and whispered even lower than before. “What if it changes everything… Me and you, us.”

Dean breathed in deep in suddenly relaxed lungs and took Cas’s chin, making him look op at him. “No chance.” He kissed Cas’s forehead. “It won’t make it feel weird if we don’t let it. And I know this is a lot coming from me, but if you talk to me if something feels off, everything will be just fine.”

Dean sat down on the edge of the mattress and cupped Cas’s cheek lightly. “I love you. This won’t change that.”

Cas turned his head a bit more into Dean’s hand and Dean could swear he was blinking back tears.

“I love you too. Nothing can change that.” He squeezed Dean’s hand on his chest but as he looked down a worried frown build on his forehead. “What about Sam?”

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Don’t worry about Sam. He’ll talk about getting someone to wipe his memory for a while, but he’ll be fine. He loves you too, you know. He was the one who suggested it when I refused to tie you up.”

Cas’s eyes sprung up at Dean and slowly, Dean’s smile seemed to convince Cas that he was telling the truth and exhale by exhale, he relaxed back into the mattress.

“Cas we stop ruining your voice for now?” Dean smiled and let his thumb graze over Cas’s cheek and felt him nod. “Good. Now, will you let me wash you? You have to want to crawl out of your skin.”

With a small pull on Dean’s hand and a slightly stretch of his neck Cas gestured for Dean to lean in to a kiss before Dean again got back to the water and towels.

* * *

Dean had wrapped Cas’s knees in dry towels with hot packs one at a time as he was done washing there. He lifted the cover only where he was washing and when he was done with he area, he pulled a clean one higher bit by bit on Cas’s body. Everything was done in silence and if it wasn’t for Cas letting out a small gasp of protest when Dean moved him a little, Dean would think that he was falling to sleep.

When he washed Cas’s thigh he pushed the leg out a bit to get all the way around. As soon as he started on the other leg Cas pushed his leg clearly too fast for it to be pain free. Dean didn’t address it but as he pulled the new cover up over his knees he pushed them hard together, blocking every access to his ass.

Dean washed Cas’s hips and wrung the towel looser before he carefully washed Cas’s dick. With the first touch Cas jolted a little and let out a small gasp.

“Shh. I know, but you’re not hurt.”

It was like Cas relaxed a bit more from that, but he didn’t move his legs as Dean pushed his thigh. “Babe. You can’t feel okay back there with the lube still there.”

Cas didn’t move except his breathing sped up. Hastily, Dean dropped the towel in the bowl and covered Cas’s privates with the clean cover. He grabbed his hand and shoulder and looked into scared eyes. “Cas…” He took his time to slow everything down as he saw Cas’s breathing slowing down fast.

“Cas. What is it? You scared you’re hurt? Because you’re not.”

Cas shook his head and Dean found an odd joy in that he didn’t look away.

“What then?”

“I’m not sure.” Cas frowned for a second and looked at his chest moving before making contact with Dean’s eyes again. “I don’t know if I’m ready to… not now.”

Dean leaned in and rubbed Cas’s shoulder as he smiled softly. “This is not it. I’m not going to check or do anything. I know that you’re perfectly good down there. I’m just washing you.”

Cas squeezed Dean’s hand and smiled embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Dean let his shoulder loose and cupped his cheek. “You’re allowed to question everything. We’ll figure out the other thing when you want to. But not today.” He brushed his hand through Cas’s hair and kissed his cheek.

Careful not to go faster that Cas was okay with, Dean hardly helped him push his knees apart. He figured that it would be better just to get it over with so he gingerly washed between Cas’s butt cheeks first. Cas only tensed for a second, and as soon as Dean continued to his cheeks and high parts of his thighs, he relaxed completely.

It almost hurt Dean to lift Cas’s hips that little it took to place a wrapped hot pack under each side. The muscles over Cas’s stomach and lower ribs were tense and sore enough that the slightest touch from the wet towel made him hold his breath. Dean hurried over it; it wasn’t where he needed to be washed the most anyway. Dean slowed down over Cas’s chest watching him instantly breathe easier, was the best thing Dean had experienced in days except feeling his cramps stop after the potion was done working. He slowed down even more as he realized that Cas was almost sleeping as he washed his shoulders. Cas’s arms were washed and his elbows wrapped up warm as Cas was sleeping heavily.

* * *

“Dean?”

For a second Dean wasn’t sure if Sam’s whisper was real or in a dream he hadn’t entered completely yet. He lifted his head from his and Cas’s joined hands and straightened his back, and quickly checked that Cas was good.

“Sam.”

“Are you okay in here?” Sam looked at Cas, who was still sleeping, as he slowly walked through the door. “It’s been five hours.”

Dean rolled his shoulders and shifted on the hard chair. “Yeah, we’re good. He’s just worn out.”

“So are you. Dean get some sleep. I’ll stay.”

Dean sighed. He wanted to get off this chair and move, and then he wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t take his hand from Cas’s.

“No need. I’ll stay with him.” Dean didn’t look up at Sam. He hated the pitying look he knew he would be met with.

Sam placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder before Dean knew he was behind him. “Dean, c’mon. There’s three other beds in here. Pick one.”

Dean looked at Cas and instinctively brushed his thumbs over the back of his hand. Before it felt too much like a weird goodbye as if he was leaving for days, Dean stood up and kissed Cas’s forehead. He stood unintentionally between Sam and Cas and looked at his brother.

“The Advils are on the table. He’s only had one just after you left, but he had cough syrup too. If he doesn’t need couch syrup he can have two pills. If he need either and doesn’t want it, you wake me. If he hesitates, you wake me. If he shuts down or looks uncomfortable in any way…”

“I’ll wake you.” Sam took Dean’s shoulder. “Dean. Get some sleep. You can hardly stand. You know I won’t hesitate to wake you.”

Sam was right. At any other time Dean would put up at least a bit more of a fight. He hated when Sam was right in everything. He was just too tired to care right now. He nodded and sat down on the nearest bed.

“Sam.”

Sam turned around on the chair where Dean had just been.

“He’s still naked.”

Sam chuckled and gestured towards the untouched stack of clothes. “Yeah I noticed.”

It was more amazing than anticipated to get out of his jeans he had couldn’t remember when he put on anymore. His head landed heavily on the pillow and almost before he pulled the cover over him, his eyes were falling shut.

“Hey.” Sam whispered even quieter than before but Dean’s eyes sprung open and he tensed his body, ready to jump back up.

Sam leaned a bit closer to Cas. “Hey, Cas. You awake.”

Ready to go, Dean listened to Cas’s hum, not really confirming that he was in fact waking up.

“Dean?” Cas only spoke slightly louder than a whisper, but Dean could hear that his voice was getting better.

“He’s sleeping in the next bed. Do you want me to wake him?”

There was no answer and since Sam stayed on the chair, Dean assumed that Cas had shook his head.

“Is…” Sam hesitated and Dean held his breath to listen harder. “Is it okay that I sit here.”

Dean saw Sam’s back hunch with a big sigh and then Cas’s hand appeared on his shoulder.

“I’m okay. But you can sit here, if it makes you and Dean feel better.”

Sam chuckled. “It does. But you’re okay with me… here?”

“I am. Thank you for doing that. I’m not sure Dean would have been able to forgive himself if he’d had to tie me up.”

Sam nodded in silence and took Cas’s hand from his shoulder. “Get some more sleep. Your eyes are hardly open.”

Dean relaxed back into the bed and watched his brother pull the cover to Cas’s chin. After that, only seconds passed before sleep found him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my promise to ReinaQueenofDemons for a short oneshot (whoops) comes to an end. I hope the last chapter can make a little up for what I've put Cas through. 
> 
> (I'm not sure if it's a weird reaction to this, but my next fic in the making, is Cas forcing Sam and Dean to go to the doctor for an excessive check-up, much against their will.)


End file.
